“However, I can tell you that I’m not destroyed. Because I’m still here. “
Someone asked me the other day if I get PTSD (triggered) anytime the Gay Pride parade happens in SLC. Short answer, it’s getting better each year. But this weekend is a little hard for me with the feelings inside. I get sad. It feels like just yesterday I was helping people and catching bad guys, but also like it never happened. Like a dream. Hard to explain.
What I miss?
The people. The people I worked side by side with, and the people I served in SLC. Mainly, the homeless. There were some homeless people I would have rather hung out with, than administrators in my own PD. That’s how much I loved them; even though some of them would drive me crazy with their self-destructive behavior.
I used to sometimes bake bread and try and find the right homeless person to give it to. No, I wasn’t always that nice. I had mean days, too. Where I lost my nerve. But I miss those good moments when I would choose selflessness. Getting out of the car and walking up to a homeless person trespassing, then not handing them a ticket, but a loaf of bread. Their faces were priceless. A spirit felt like no other.
I remember someone, who I had taken to jail, came up to me months later and gave me a hug and thanked me for the way I treated him. I didn’t exactly remember, but he had said I told him he had worth and can be something in his life; he said it made him feel so good inside he wanted to change.
I remember pulling over a younger girl (she looked like she was having a rough day) and I got her drivers license and registration. In the car filling out her ticket I had a distinct feeling and thought come to me “She is saying a prayer to not get a ticket.” I got out of my car and walked to her window and said “Miss this might sound strange but were you just praying?” She froze. Then started crying. She shook her head and I gave her documents back. I said “Well, prayer works, have a good day!” I let her go.
Those are some of the things I miss about my Law Enforcement days. I say MY because the justice system is broken the way it is; but, society is broken, too. We’ve somewhat done it to ourselves. We’ve called upon more government with our behavior and inability to govern ourselves. And this is what we get. Its gross. Everything is backwards. We elect people who mainly want power, not to help anyone. But we aren’t engaged enough to care who is in office; who in turn appoints chiefs of police, etc.
As soon as the department heads realized I wasn’t one of “them”, and I mean one who wasn’t just going to say yes, no matter what, to all their politically correct garbage and quotas, they spit me out. Then lied about it. Yes, Government lies. They tried to destroy me just to please a special interest group and cover a sexual harassment story. It worked. National news overnight. It was a perfect storm. A storm that was supposed to happen. Looking back, I fit perfectly into what needed to happen that weekend. But God had plans above their plans.
https://www.ksl.com/…/slc-officer-in-parade-controversy-spe…
However, I can tell you that I’m not destroyed. Because I’m still here.
Although I still get PTSD and “triggered” at times, I’m stronger than that day they took my badge and gun. I was broken then. I lost about 20 lbs and couldn’t eat. I couldn’t see or feel any light around me. I felt so alone. But then I started witnessing miracle after miracle pulling us through. Letting us know He was there in the fire with us. Even though I couldn’t see. I was 33 when all of this happened.
I thank the enemies who did this to me and my family. From the Sgt’s to Chiefs, to Mayor. Without that, I wouldn’t be who I am today. I’ve been able to build back up and reinvent myself several times since. Knowing there’s hope outside of the “Secure Job” type idea I’ve always had. God keeps providing and bringing more opportunity.
Looking back, the tragedy that happened 5 years ago had become one of the best things that’s ever happened to me. As hard as it still is.
