I need to open up for a minute…
Someone told me the other day that I’m the most “secure person” they know. I just listened and said “you have no idea”. I didn’t go into it but wish they actually knew the struggle I face daily with my self-confidence and internal fears I have as a person and provider for my family.
The other day at church, our group went around to make introductions so that the new people could meet the older people in the ward who have lived there a while. It went something like this: My name is ____ and I’m retired… My name is ____ and I’m a physical therapist … It continued and went then went from doctor to retired, to retired to dentist, or builder to real estate investor, General contractor, etc, etc, You name it.
When it got to me I wanted to hide under my chair. I thought about getting up and leaving early but I stayed. Before I told them that I was a “solar guy” and knock doors for a living, I felt like I had to say I was “former law enforcement” just so I could kinda claim that I was once a regular adult on a career path. I introduced myself and they moved around me to the next person.
I don’t have any other degrees or licenses or worldly titles (which there’s nothing wrong with those that do), I just don’t. No specialty skills really. I can’t even hang a picture strait on my wall. Truly ask my wife. She’s more handy than I am. I’m not ashamed of knocking doors, it’s just extremely hard, and I just know it’s a step to something else. And I don’t know what that next “else” is. I’m just not “secure” in this way. Even if I make a ton of money in a month. What I do is talk to people and connect people; sell, grind, hustle, and close; day in and day out. I don’t have a lot of options. (and maybe that’s the greatest gift ever for me to keep me humble, I don’t know)
Yesterday the Lord came through in a big way. It was amazing. I don’t know how He does it month after month. On days when I just want to throw in the towel and quit, He somehow provides and lights the way to me to keep going.
The points of my post are, first: many people all around you struggle to feel secure and confident in life. Many. People you think are “The most secure” may actually be the most insecure in many areas and have an internal stormy battle inside of them.
And second: any amount of confidence and security, lies in God, not myself. He is where I put my faith each day when I sometimes don’t want to take the covers off my face. Because I testify if you just get up out of bed (as hard as it is sometimes) and just start moving and going and doing, thanking Him and asking for help, believing in Him, He will bless you and your family spiritually and physically. I promise. Sorry that was so long, had to get it off my chest. God lives and I’m His child. That’s my title. I’m a child of God.
